Alright, let’s get this out of the way. If you’ve never heard of skaven before, welcome to one of the most chaotic, hilarious, and terrifying parts of the Warhammer Fantasy universe. These rat-like horrors are the definition of “too much” in all the best ways—like that one cousin who shows up to family events with a pet ferret on a leash. The skaven are everything you didn’t know you needed but now can’t forget.

So, if you’re like me and have a deep-seated love for all things grim, dark, and ridiculously over-the-top, let’s dive into the world of these scheming, fur-covered, backstabbing creatures.

The Origins of the Skaven

Let’s start with their beginnings, which, to be honest, could use a trigger warning for absolute madness. The skaven didn’t just wake up one day with a desire for world domination. No, no. These guys were once just rats—you know, the kind that can survive anything except a good spring cleaning. Then, they got a little too cozy with warpstone, this nasty, magical substance that’s basically like eating a whole jar of radioactive pickles.

Fast forward a bit, and these mutated little pests became full-fledged sentient beings, plotting and scheming beneath the surface of the Warhammer world. Their capital city, Skavenblight, is a complete disaster zone. It’s like if you took a post-apocalyptic wasteland, added some industrial waste, and sprinkled in a whole lot of bad decisions. You could smell it from a mile away—or if you’re me, you’d probably be too distracted by the smell of nostalgia, aka the Walmart parking lot rosemary I accidentally grew back in 2019.

But anyway, the skaven live beneath the earth in these festering Under-Empires, plotting their rise. They’re like the rats in your walls, but if those rats knew how to work a giant war machine. Spoiler alert: that’s exactly what happened.

The Skaven Society

Now, let’s talk about their social structure—or as I like to call it, the ultimate dumpster fire of betrayal, chaos, and pointy teeth. I mean, the skaven don’t exactly do “peaceful coexistence.”

The skaven society is basically one big rat race, but everyone is trying to backstab everyone else. It’s like if every episode of “Survivor” was just about setting traps and poisoning your teammates (honestly, kind of hilarious when you think about it).

Here’s the breakdown:

• The Council of Thirteen: These are the big cheeses—the top dogs. The ones in charge. But don’t get too comfortable—betrayal is basically a job requirement. The leader of the Council? The Horned Rat himself, a god who, for some reason, is really into the idea of rats taking over everything. He’s basically their version of “boss,” but like, a very, very bad one.
• Warlord Clans: These guys are the power-hungry generals, obsessed with expansion and dominance. If you think your boss is bad? Try dealing with a warlord who’s like, really obsessed with their collection of rat helmets.
• Pestilens: These are the religious zealots. And yes, you guessed it—they spread plague. There’s always that one guy in every cult that’s way too into their “disease spreads divine power” mantra.
• Moulder: These guys are the mad scientists of the bunch, creating mutant beasts that might accidentally devour a few comrades in the process.
• Eshin: Assassins and spies, these guys specialize in skulking around in the shadows and murdering people. Fun job.
• Skyre: These are the tech geeks. The ones who get way too into dangerous gadgets. You know, the guys who build weapons so powerful that even they sometimes can’t control them.

It’s basically an office with no HR department, filled with absolute chaos. No wonder skaven are always at each other’s throats. They’re working with a whole lot of paranoia and not much sleep.

The Religion of the Skaven

So, here’s a fun fact. The skaven aren’t just a bunch of rats running around with crazy tech and toxic sludge. They also have a religion—worshiping the Horned Rat.

I know, right? Like, these guys take “blind faith” to the extreme. The Horned Rat is the god they all adore, believe in, and worship while plotting how to ruin everything around them. And let me tell you, these skaven aren’t just your casual churchgoers. Oh no. They are devout, like, “I’m going to spread a plague for the glory of the Horned Rat” kind of devout.

There’s one group, the Grey Seers, who lead this charge, using warpstone magic to manipulate reality itself. Honestly, if you’ve ever seen one of these guys cast spells, you know they’re the kinds of folks who’ll be like, “Oh yeah, maybe we’ll accidentally destroy the planet. But we’ll do it for the rat god!”

So yeah, worshiping the Horned Rat? Not a casual hobby for these folks.

Skaven Technology and Magic

Alright, if you’re like me, you’ve got a weird fascination with weird gadgets. I mean, who doesn’t love an invention that’s equal parts dangerous and totally unnecessary? Well, the skaven take this obsession to the next level. And I’m not talking about some tiny gizmo. I’m talking about warpstone-powered death machines that could probably destroy the planet if they don’t explode first.

Here are just a few of their weirdest—and most effective—technological nightmares:

• Warp Lightning Cannons: These cannons harness the power of warpstone to fire deadly lightning bolts. Now, I’m no expert, but if I had to pick a weapon to unleash on my enemies, this might just be it.
• Doomwheels: Imagine a giant hamster wheel, but, like, with spikes and electricity. That’s the skaven for you. No one’s ever thought, “Hey, maybe this is a bad idea” when designing these.
• Hell Pit Abominations: This is just… wrong. It’s the skaven version of a Frankenstein monster, and it’s made by slapping together pieces of flesh from different beasts. No, seriously. It’s terrifying.

But here’s the kicker: these inventions are as dangerous to the skaven as they are to their enemies. I mean, I’ve made my fair share of DIY disasters, but these guys? They’re in a league of their own.

Skaven in Warhammer Fantasy

On the tabletop, playing skaven is like playing a game where everything goes wrong, but that’s part of the fun. You’ve got a bunch of units that will collapse into panic at the slightest hiccup, but when they don’t fall apart, they can absolutely wreck the enemy. It’s like trying to tame a wild beast while also… being the wild beast.

So yeah, expect some real chaos. And if you’re like me, you’ll probably lose a few of those warpstone dice to a freak accident (probably because I was distracted by my pizza delivery guy, but whatever).

Conclusion: Why the Skaven Keep Us Coming Back

At the end of the day, what makes the skaven so fascinating isn’t just their terrible plans or their complete lack of hygiene. It’s that they always manage to survive, despite the fact that they’re often their own worst enemy.

They’re that annoying little cousin who always gets away with everything, only to somehow end up face-first in a pile of compost when no one’s looking.

Anyway, the skaven are here to stay. And as much as I love to laugh at their antics, there’s something hella entertaining about their undying ability to cause chaos.